She (is called Hitsuji chan) has been willing to live as she is. She is happy these days as she started dating with someone. She even says she would rather die if she was to live as she was before. Her appearance has been changed considerably due to female hormone injections which she gets once in every two weeks. She also puts a great deal of effort into makeup and outfits. However, when she misses an opportunity to get an injection, her beard grows. In contradiction to her desire, her body tries to go back to its original form.

I had a chance to exhibit my works of Hitsuji chan at Namura Zosenjo ato. The venue was once used as a shipyard but is now turned into an alternative space. When I visited this place, I saw grass growing between the cracks in concrete and it reminded me of Hitsuji chan’s growing beard. I thought they were not too far from each other.

Her body has been transformed, in response to her desire to live as she is. On the other hand, it biologically functions to regain its original form, which is hard to go against. I have realized that her body, which contains two conflicting powers easily goes back and forth across the sexualities. When I am with her, her existence gives me a pleasant feeling of involuntarily crossing over the invisible boundary but also questions me what sexuality is and what it is to live as you are.

Installation View
at Salon des artisted Arata pendants Vol.5 Extra Ordinary, Creative Center Osaka, Osaka (2018)


© 2023 Masashi Urashiba